Protege de la Rose Noire (DVD) (Hong Kong Version) DVD Region All

Protege de la Rose Noire's slim plot -- which, for some mind-boggling reason, took three people to come up with -- is as simple as basic math. Gillian and Charlene, as usual, play a couple of mis-matched partners (Charlene, of course, plays the "kooky" one, while Gillian plays it straight) who come under the tutelage of the slightly nutty and love-sick Black Rose (Teresa Mo), a former kung fu-fighting super-hero who grooms them for a life of fighting crime.

Ekin Cheng, who seems to be in the early running for the Anthony Wong/Chapman To "any role for a buck" award for 2004, plays a dim-witted cab driver who wears a Robin costume and becomes Charlene's love interest. There is a bit of "comedy" as Rose confuses Ekin with her former lover and Gillian become jealous. A lot of time is wasted with this Three's Company-style shtick until eventually, some shred of a conflict comes forward, as the girls must battle a former protege (or sister, or daughter -- it's never made very clear) of Rose who has taken to kidnapping to pay the bills.

So, yeah, the plot isn't Shakespearean, and it takes forever to get going. Things aren't helped any by the copious amounts of dopey comedy that would make even Wong Jing blush. What makes matters even worse is that the Twins seem to be buying into their own hype, as witnessed by some of the jokes, such as one with a concoction Rose makes called "Twins sugar", which is supposedly the sweetest thing on earth. A bit of self-referential humor in and of itself is not such a bad thing, but Protege de la Rose Noire takes it almost up to the level of a film like Scream, where Wes Craven cannibalized his previous filmic entries just for the sake of a few bucks.

And ultimately, that is Protege de la Rose Noire's main problem. It -- like many Hollywood summer "blockbusters" -- just feels like it was a movie made just to make a profit. I'm not naive; the Hong Kong film industry needs all the money it can get at this point, but surely they can come up with something better than this Lunar New Year stinker. I'm a fan of Donnie Yen's work -- and it's his expertise in making action scenes which saves this from being a Charlie's Angels-esque bomb, especially those featuring his sister, Chris, who seems ripe for stardom in her own right.

But I would think that with as much talent and money this production had thrown at it, the results could have been better than this. I guess we'll just have to wait a month or two, since as long as the Twins make money, studios will keep pumping out films featuring them. I just hope the results next time out are better than this. I don't want to hate the girls -- their cutie-pie antics do grow on you after a while -- but surely, they (and, more importantly, the fans and viewers) deserve better than this mish-mash.

RATING: 3 out of 10